I am puke
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
being pregnant is like rehab
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
