Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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