I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
