2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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