that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
