Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you win again, gameday.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
