and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
