you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
