dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
