I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
