Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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