I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
