It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
