I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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