I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
