So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
