I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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