I'm going to jail i love you
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
