Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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