your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
