Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
