This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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