I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
