I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
