how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We are all done wearing pants today
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
