Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
