Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
