I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
