"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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