I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
