Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
