oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I need to sanitize my soul.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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