My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
