Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
