Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
