mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
The ass gains better be worth it
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
