If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
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