dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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