I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
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