So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize