the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
