Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize