I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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