Well apparently he's into motor boating.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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