I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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