Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
