I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
