he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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