You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
