if i can run in heels then i can drive
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
