My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
