Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
