Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
