I accidentally had phone sex last night
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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