I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
