Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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