If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
