your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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