yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
