Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
