You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
