This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
