She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize