I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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