She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
im holly from the hills drunk
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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