my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
