You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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