don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize