My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Two words: blizzard sex
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
