I hate all girls vehemently.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize