I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
