I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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