i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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