Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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