The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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