they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
