someone owes me an orgasm
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
The uberlube is also flammable
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
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