I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize