You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
