I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
