If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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