Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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