I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
one two three fourrrrnication!
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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