Cold hands, warm shart.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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