last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
