I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
