I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
