That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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