Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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