id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
